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I'm not supposed to know

I hate that I can't sleep.
More than that, I hate that I can't get to sleep because my mind is racing about things that I should just let myself forget about.
I wish I could just stop caring, but I can't.


Reading these entries from a month ago is very strange.


'It's getting late,'
she said,
She touched my face,
'Let's stay out as late as we can.'

Drive around the lake
just a little too fast,
my eyes on the lights, her hand on my shoulder
Yeah, windows down
wine in our heads
the city lights just blur

Let's go out
on a dock
we'll bring a bottle and a blanket.
And everything,
yeah, everything is going our way.

Lean in to me.

I'm so happy right now. I feel incredibly lucky to have met an amazing girl so unexpectedly. She's been such a source of positivity for me.

I really need to sleep right now though...I want to do a real update at some point. Doing an update right now seems like it would either be way too brief or just way too long...i'm in a very thoughtful place right now (which could also mean a turn for the very cheesy).

She's a beautiful person though. And I want everyone to know it.

Goodnight world.

I never have time for proper entries... <3

I was running late for work
So I didn't change my shirt
The evening's drinks left a lingering taste in my mouth
And when I left
You were fast asleep
Tangled in the sheets
And on the bus I could have sworn it was all a dream
And it didn't happen to me

And then I felt the scrapes
From the slippery subway grate.
Oh how you laughed
At my complete lack of grace.
But I could not recall
A more perfect fall
Cause when I looked up into your eyes
It didn't hurt at all.

And I thought, be still my heart
This could be a brand new start, with you.
And it will be clear
If I wake up and you're still here with me in the morning.

And I thought, be still my heart
This could be a brand new start, with you.
And it will be clear
If I wake up and you're still here with me in the morning.

-The Postal Service


That was a happy explosion on my keyboard.

I love feeling like this. This entry really has no point, except that I needed to be able to explode. fdjgsfkfkhl bslfkjbhflh


New Tattoo

So i've been wanting to get another tattoo basically since I got my first one. I've been thinking about it extensively over the last couple days and I have decided exactly what I want. Originally, I wanted to get this Chuck Palahniuk quote: "The only way to find true happiness is to risk being completely cut open". After thinking more about it though, I realized that there was another quote (also CP) that I find to be more meaningful and appropriate for me. Additionally, the quote and the meaning itself made it easy to determine the placement of the tattoo.

This will be the quote that I am getting:

“You have a choice.

Live or die.

Every breath is a choice.

Every minute is a choice.

To be or not to be.”

    I am not sure about the exact font that I want it in yet, but I will have it done on the inside of my upper left arm. It will be below scars that remain from a particularly difficult period of my life. While most of them have faded, there are a couple that will likely remain for a very long time. I feel like i've come a long way from that period of my life, and more importantly, the negative, self-hating mindset that I once had. I think this will be important for me as a reminder of how far i've come, and a positive message if I ever fall that low again.
I AM FOUR DAYS BEHIND. WUTTT. F-Lists are about to get bombarded. Sorryyy. I've been busy enjoying life :)

MGMT, Electric Feel

If this was playing in everyone's cars, I think there would be a dramatic decrease in road rage and an increase in pulling over to make out. That's just my opinion...Listen and see what you think everyone!

Complete 30 Day Music ListCollapse )
Iyaz, Replay

I rarely listen to the radio, but when I do, it's typically 99.5.

So with a lot of these songs, the first 10 times I hear them i'm like "that song is so dumb, wtf?"...and then the next 10 it's like "ehh, this is catchy, i'll let it play" and then after that, you're done. Because then, it's you dancing in your car like- "SHAWTY'S LIKE A MEMORY IN MY HEADD.." 

Fuck it. I love this song. I said it.

Complete 30 Day Music ListCollapse )
Matthew Good Band, A Boy and His Machine Gun

i know who you're waiting for
no one's coming though
so fuck you and your principals
and fuck whatever made me
perhaps you think i'm evil
perhaps you think i'm crazy


Please ignore that the only video I could find for this song was a 'Firefly' fanvid. Anyway, it's not that I really hate this song as much as I just hate a lot of my associations with it. It was one of those songs that I listened to in order to kind of reinforce keeping myself in a negative place. So in that sense, I loved it...there are a few MGB songs that were like that for me. However, I still listen to plenty of other songs of theirs. This song, "suburbia" and "born to kill" are just reminders of a really down time for me.

/depressing post     :/

Complete 30 Day Music ListCollapse )

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June 2010


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